Walking Through This Pandemic

One Step at a Time

Have you been feeling disoriented or very tired or overwhelmed? If so, you are not alone. We are now six months into this COVID pandemic in our world. This virus has turned much of life upside down and it shows no sign of disappearing in the foreseeable future.

When the lockdown first was announced here in Vancouver back in March, many of us said things like: “Oh, this will probably last for two or three months.” Now we are discovering that this virus will be with us for the considerable future and we have to find ways to accept this and to adapt our lives. There is mass uncertainty: How long will it last? Will there be a vaccine? When will life be more ‘normal’? Will the classrooms be safe when kids go back to school this Fall?

I have postponed writing this newsletter because my energy was often very low and it has taken some time to get energized and back to writing again.

We need to remind ourselves: these are not ordinary times. This time in the world is unprecedented and we have no map to guide us through. We walk through it to the best of our ability. Not only are we going through a pandemic, there are other multiple crises shaking our world and many people are suffering.

Our world is being impacted by deep trauma. When we talk about this pandemic we need to know we are dealing with trauma. This trauma is felt in every part of life and in our bodies. Trauma saps our energy and impacts our nervous systems. Our nervous systems are on edge. Parts of the brain shut down during trauma in order for us to survive. Someone said “We are living in an invisible current of dread.”

The trauma in our world also brings our own past experiences of trauma to the surface. Old hurts can be activated. One man told me that being isolated in his house is bringing up memories of childhood abandonment. He feels alone and is struggling to deal with these powerful feelings.

It is important to honour the feelings you are having and to make way for sadness, loss or grief to be felt. You could sometimes be feeling numb or out of touch with your emotions.

We wonder when we will get back to ‘normal’. Many of us feel life will never look like it did in the past. We sense that we are transitioning into something new, not yet known or born.

People are having different experiences

What has this experience been like for you? For many people, this pandemic has been a shock, a big jolt, knocking out the foundations of familiar life. We have been dealing with restrictions we are not used to. Wearing masks and being distant from others. It is exacting a toll on people’s jobs, finances and family life. So many people have had to adjust their work to now working from home. Or, they have lost jobs. Parents are coping with kids at home and now wondering if the kids will be safe when they go back to school. Many people feel touch-deprived as they are not giving and receiving hugs. There are many losses. This is definitely not a sabbatical.

I know some people who are having an easier time right now. For example, a couple I know are both retired and like their home and garden. They get along well, support each other and enjoy reading books and watching movies. These people say they are grateful for what they have.

I know a number of people who are glad to have more quiet time and can focus on creative pursuits they love. They are using their time to do things like paint, to write or to work in their garden. For these people, many of their needs are being met.

Others are struggling. People who live alone are saying they are having a harder time. They are wanting supports but are living in a ‘bubble of One’. We are not meant to live in isolation on a long-term basis and some people are feeling lonely. How to cope with loneliness? How do you build supports when you are living alone? Being lonely can feel like a pit that is difficult to climb out of. We all need community and crave time with friends and family. We are social beings.

I would like to suggest to those who live with a partner or with family members that you invite into your ‘bubble’ a friend who lives alone. This could mean checking in with them regularly, going for walks together and having them over to your house for dinner. If there is a concern about COVID, your friend could be tested ahead of time. Your offer to include them will be greatly appreciated.

Many people have had to let go of travel plans due to fear of getting on a plane and that they need to quarantine in the new location. One family was planning on traveling to another province to visit their relatives. When they had to cancel their plans, they felt incredibly sad and deeply disappointed.

I know a couple of women whose husbands are living in long-term care homes. In the Spring, no visits were allowed at all for several months. This was so painful and frustrating for all family members. Now, with some restrictions lifted, a family member can visit at very limited times and with PPE on. What would it be like to have dementia and to have your spouse visit you with a mask and gloves on and not be able to hug you?

Life is full of holes

There are many losses. Some of these are obvious. The local swimming pool is closed and I can’t go to aquafit classes. Places and things not available. But also experiences, like getting a hug, like having people over for dinner. Until you stop and take notice, you might not recognize that your life is full of holes. One friend described it this way: “I feel like my life is a jigsaw puzzle and there are some key pieces that are missing.” What pieces are missing in your life?

Like me, you may sometimes find yourself feeling stuck or moving in very slow motion. For several months I felt I had very low energy. At the beginning of August I developed vertigo, especially when I got up from lying down. This vertigo felt like a physical manifestation of the world whirling around me. I worked to get back to feeling grounded and to accomplish more than one thing on my daily list. My physiotherapist was a great help and he gave me specific treatments to deal with the vertigo which thankfully has now gone.

The benefits of physical exercise

For those long months last spring I greatly missed regular exercise at my local gym and the aquafit classes at the pool. I am very grateful that a small gym in Burnaby opened up this summer and I now go there several mornings a week. The elliptical trainer, the rowing machine and the bicycle have all been wonderful in helping me get my strength back. I feel so much better and more resilient since going to the gym. Physical exercise is one the best ways to feel stronger and to get mental clarity. An added benefit of this gym: the staff are very friendly and I always enjoy talking to them and to people who are doing their workouts.

Here are some skills to get through this time

Accepting what is happening. Take a deep breath. Pause. Accept this is happening. Don’t resist it. Take care of what is in front of you. One step at a time. We are learning to adapt to a new reality.

Expressing empathy and compassion. The best thing you can do to help another is to show empathy for them: offer a listening ear, a kind word or a gesture of help.

Being kind and gentle with yourself. Let go of self-criticism or feeling you need to be accomplishing something. It’s okay to be doing less. It’s okay to feel the way you do.

Awakening to the new. This could be a time of envisioning something new, a more compassionate way of living. We are seeing the kindness in people who are reaching out to help others, to say thank you and to offer a helping hand. What will our new world look like?

I welcome your comments, dear reader. How are you doing? What do you need right now? I will be so happy to hear from you.

May we grow and learn during this time.

May we create a more compassionate world together.

Warmest wishes,
Brenda