Pandemic: What Are We Missing?

One year. Could we have imagined last March that we would still be in this pandemic a year later? Probably not. Our lives have been impacted in so many ways. Life has changed and we are learning to accept and adjust to our new reality.

There are many things people are doing to lift their spirits which I will write about at another time. In this newsletter, I want to talk about what is missing in our lives right now.

There is a great variety of experiences people are having. Some people who have resources, good health, close relationships and a purpose in life say they are doing well. I know some families who are carrying on with their home-based businesses and they report they are also doing well. The pandemic has not affected their lives in a negative way.

Others, however, find it a struggle.  Many people are growing weary of it all: the masks, social distancing, being vigilant when out in public.  None of these things is a burden, but it is the duration of restrictions that is taking its toll.

After a whole year, there are some regular activities and services that remain prohibited. Additionally, there are many smaller sacrifices that we are having to make. Let’s contemplate some of the enjoyable experiences we are not able to have.

• hugging friends

• shaking hands

• laughing in a group

• clapping in an audience

• dancing with others

• sitting in a large concert hall and loving it

• singing in a choir

• cheering on a team in a stadium or rink

• eating in a restaurant with people outside of your household

• hosting a party

• allowing your child to have friends over for play dates or sleep-overs

• attending church service or spiritual group

• playing in an orchestra in a live concert

• watching a movie with friends in a large theatre

• running/walking in the Vancouver SunRun with thousands of people

• taking a long-distance road trip across the country

• watching the Festival of Light, the Vancouver fireworks show

• attending Bard on the Beach, Shakespeare theatre

• large family get-togethers

• attending university classes on the campus

• getting on a plane and travelling to a favourite destination

• crossing the border to visit the U.S.

• visiting loved ones in long-term care with no PPE on

• field trips, sports, assemblies and so much more for kids in schools

The list goes on.

All these experiences are things that feed our souls.  Now we are adapting to life without them.  What is this like?  Are you aware of what is no longer in your life?  So much of the richness of life has been taken away.  This is partly why many people are feeling depressed or anxious.  What used to nourish our minds and souls are no longer there. 

Many people are now finding ways to adapt their life so they can feel some balance.  We are all wanting to feel ‘normal’ and are finding ways to feel nourished and healthy. Some people have that found creative outlets like writing, painting and music are really fulfilling. One woman said she asks herself each day: “What brings me joy?” and this helps to focus her day.

We human beings are hard-wired for social interaction. We hunger for connection. This is our very nature. It is in the presence of others that we feel seen, validated, encouraged and loved. Not on Zoom, but in the physical presence of others. These are key experiences we all need.  And now, in this pandemic, many of these experiences are not happening. It is like the fabric of our life has been torn in pieces and we pick up what we can salvage for our well-being.

There is a deep level of collective grief that is not spoken aloud.  Grief for the life we had, the things we had, the ease with which we went about our lives.  Grief for the many thousands of people who have been sick with COVID-19 and those who have died. Grief for all the losses we are feeling.

One woman expressed it this way: “I feel like I live between a hostage and a hermit. Talking to friends on the phone keeps me sane. I am lucky to see my grandson one day a week but I look forward to socializing with friends and travelling once this pandemic is over.”  Another said to me: “I just want to get it over with. I’m pretty much out of steam in terms of coping.” Someone else said: “I live alone and I can’t afford to get sick.”

We have never lived through something like this pandemic.  It is stretching us in all ways.  We need to be incredibly patient, waiting for the vaccines, waiting for the numbers to go down, waiting for travel to open up, and so much more. We need deep trust that all will improve.  And yes, we will have all those social connections again that we long for.

One woman named Laurel is a retired teacher living in North Vancouver. She has written a poem to express what is missing in her life.

I Want to Hear the Magpies Sing

I want so badly to hug
Not a fist or an elbow bump but the kind of hug
Where you wrap your arms around someone
And close your eyes
And forget whatever else is going on.

I want so badly to hop on a plane
And see faraway places that hum
With history and beauty
I want to lie under a Polynesian sun
And hear the waves roaring in on the sand.

I want so badly to practice my Italian
With la mia cara sorella/amica italiana Cristina
And walk the dogs with her in Torino.
I want so badly to see my Aussie sister Robin
And hear the magpies sing and see the kangaroos hop
Near her back yard.

I want so badly to see friends far-flung
In New York City and Phoenix and Waihi Beach
And see the sheep from Darby’s window in Towcester
Or see our Chamberlin and Gurnsey family scattered everywhere
Or cross the border
To join car club friends in Seattle.

I want so badly to see friends and family here
And not be afraid
That if someone breathes too near me or we get too close
We will get sick.
Is it so selfish to want normal?
We didn’t know what normal was and took it for granted.
I won’t do that anymore.

—by Laurel Gurnsey

I want you to know that you are not alone.  Others are going through a similar passage as you. It is important to reach out for support when you need it.

How are you doing? I want to know to what extent you have adapted to this new life.

I have compassion for each one of you.

I would love to hear from you.

Warmest wishes,

Brenda